Anger is a temporary state of mind. When you are angry, you are going to do things which you normally will not do. Why? Because when you are angry, the rational door of your brain is closed and the irrational gate opens.
What happens is that you start thinking that whatever you do or think is absolutely right and the other person involved is absolutely wrong.
Consequently, the irrational thinking builds up and you start exaggerating. You take a highly exaggerated view of things just to satisfy your irrational response. Psychologists call this catastrophizing.
Although, these irrational thoughts are temporary, they can play havoc with your emotional wellbeing. Here are a few examples of catastrophizing or irrational thinking.
1. Dave fails to make any sale on a certain day. He tries his best to convince customers and goes to a great length to explain and assist customers. Yet, he is unable to make even a sing sale!
Dave starts thinking that he is a failure. He is not good and he cannot succeed. He is catastrophizing the situation. It is only on a certain day that the customers were not making any purchases. Dave now even thinks irrationally by blaming his customers. Although, he started to think the he was a failure, now he is thinking that it is all the customers’ fault.
Customers are stingy and they don’t want to spend any money. Irrational, isn’t?
2. Laura has an argument with her husband Amon. Laura thinks that Amon is not a good husband and does not take care of her. He is irresponsible and will not change. Laura thinks it would be better to get separated and live her own life.
Amon on the other hand thinks that Laura is a complete failure as a wife. She is inconsiderate and void of feelings. Amon is also thinking of separation. He puts a huge mountain of blame on Laura. Once the irrational phases passes, both Amon and Laura realize that they were wrong. Both have a feeling of remorse and pledge never to think again like that.
3. Gary has not mowed the garden for a while. When he gets his petrol lawn mower off the shed, he finds it out of order. It is starts and then switches off. Gary tries a few times. He gets angry and starts swearing at the lawnmower. Gary goes a step further and kicks the lawnmower a few times and hurts his toes.
It is catastrophizing, isn’t?
People feel remorse after anger, why?
People feel a strong remorse after anger. The reason is that anger is only a temporary state of mind. Once you are in outbursts and boiling hot, you are do things which normally you will not do.
The rational doors of minds get closed and the irrational gates open. The flood of irrational thoughts covers the rational thoughts and so you act in a way that is looked down upon.
The intensity of the flow of irrational thoughts determines the level and intensity of anger. The more irrational you become, the greater is the harm.
The irrational gates operate on auto system. The gates close themselves after a while. The rational thinking which was blocked earlier now starts overflowing, hence the feeling of remorse.
Now you realise, aha! That was wrong. Yes, it is wrong now, but perfectly seemed right when you were boiling hot?
So anger is a temporary state of mind. The best way to control and reduce anger is dealing with and managing this temporary state of mind.